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YOUR WEEKLY DOSE OF CRYPTO WISDOM AND ENTERTAINMENT

Happy Monday. While you were enjoying the weekend, crypto was not.

North Korean hackers pulled off the biggest DeFi heist of the year. Bitcoin got spooked by geopolitical chaos. Coinbase introduced AI coworkers named after legendary founders. And Polymarket is quietly becoming one of the most valuable companies in crypto.

Let's get into it. Here's everything that matters, right now. ☕

Monday news

DeFi

Lazarus Group just stole $290M from KelpDAO, and DeFi is reeling

The year's largest DeFi exploit just happened. Lazarus Group, North Korea's elite hacking unit, drained 116,500 rsETH tokens worth ~$292M from KelpDAO's LayerZero bridge. The attacker didn't crack the code. They poisoned the infrastructure. Two RPC nodes were compromised, a forged transaction slipped through, and a $10B exodus from Aave followed. LayerZero's verdict: the bridge was running a single-verifier setup, a one-point-of-failure that made the whole thing trivial to fool.

Read the full breakdown →

Bitcoin

Bitcoin dips below $74K as Iran ceasefire teeters on the edge

BTC rallied above $78K on Friday, then the US military seized an Iranian cargo ship and the mood changed fast. Tehran threatened to close the Strait of Hormuz. Oil jumped 5.5%. Bitcoin dropped sharply. The ceasefire expires on Wednesday, and diplomacy has stalled. Despite the drama, weekly ETF inflows hit $996M, the strongest since January, with BlackRock's IBIT leading the charge. Institutions are buying the dip. Are you?

Read the full breakdown →

AI / Tech

Coinbase hired AI coworkers, and named them after its legends

Brian Armstrong just introduced two AI agents living inside Coinbase's Slack: "Fred" (modeled on co-founder Fred Ehrsam) for executive strategy, and "Balaji" (after Balaji Srinivasan) for creative chaos. They reply to messages, review docs, and push unconventional ideas, just like the real people. Armstrong hinted that the number of AI agents could eventually outnumber human employees. The future of work is weirder than we thought.

Read the full breakdown →

Market

Polymarket is raising $400M at a $15B valuation

Polymarket is in talks to raise $400M in fresh capital, valuing the platform at ~$15B. That's on top of ICE's $600M investment in March. Daily trading volume sits at $145M. Monthly sector-wide volume consistently clears $10B. Nasdaq, Cboe, CME, and Citadel are all circling the space. Regulators are watching, but the money isn't waiting. Prediction markets are no longer a crypto niche. They're becoming an asset class.

Read the full breakdown →

📊 Altcoin season index

😱 Fear and greed index

Monday tweets

Follow us:

• X - Where Crypto Meets Comedy;

• TikTok - Investigating the Wacky World of Crypto;

• СoinMarketCap - The Wildest Ride in the Crypto Market;

• YouTube - Your Gateway to the World of Crypto.

Disclaimer: We're here to entertain, not to be your financial guru. This newsletter is purely for educational purposes and does not constitute financial advice or a magical fortune-telling session. So, grab your popcorn, enjoy the read, but remember to use your own wits and conduct thorough research before making any money moves. Stay curious, my friends!