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YOUR DOSE OF CRYPTO WISDOM AND ENTERTAINMENT

Happy Friday. This week, crypto got tested from every angle; a mystery outbreak rattled risk sentiment; Telegram rewrote the blockchain speed rankings; Washington put a date on the crypto rulebook; and one of the most famous short-sellers quietly walked away from GME. Here's what you need to know before the weekend.

📰 THIS WEEK’S HOT NEWS

Bitcoin

Bitcoin holds $80K as hantavirus fears test the rally

A confirmed hantavirus cluster aboard the cruise ship MV Hondius put markets on alert this week. Bitcoin had just climbed back above $82K before the headlines hit, and while the WHO classified the overall risk as low and contained, traders leaned on the 2020 playbook. US spot ETFs have taken in over $1.6B in net inflows since May started, which is keeping the floor firm. But the behavioral test is real: can BTC hold when a macro scare lands without warning?

Full breakdown →

Blockchain

TON finalizes transactions in 0.6 seconds, fastest Layer 1 on record

A new April 2026 comparison of every major Layer 1 blockchain put TON on top with a 0.6-second finality time, roughly 6,000 times faster than Bitcoin's one-hour confirmation window. Pavel Durov amplified the findings publicly and confirmed Telegram is now the network's largest validator with a 2.2M TON stake. The market noticed: TON surged 32% within 24 hours and hit a $7.6B market cap. The governance question, “How decentralized is a chain anchored by one messaging giant?”, hasn't been answered yet.

Full breakdown →

Regulation

White House puts July 4 on the calendar for the Clarity Act

White House crypto adviser Patrick Witt told CoinDesk's Consensus conference in Miami that the administration is targeting Independence Day for full congressional passage of the Digital Asset Market Clarity Act. That means Senate Banking Committee markup this month, four working weeks of floor debate in June, and a House vote before the fireworks. The stablecoin yield dispute has apparently been resolved through a bipartisan compromise, but ethics provisions tied to presidential crypto involvement are still being negotiated. The clock is running.

Full breakdown →

Market

Burry dumps all of GameStop after its $55B eBay bid

Michael Burry sold his entire GME stake after GameStop announced an unsolicited $55.5B takeover offer for eBay, a deal that would require $20B in external financing for a company with a sub-$12B market cap. Burry's thesis was an "Instant Berkshire" play built on disciplined, low-debt capital allocation. He calculated the proposed structure would push leverage toward 7.7x debt-to-EBITDA, far past his limit. GME dropped 10% on the news. Retail traders reacted in the opposite direction. Classic.

Full breakdown →

📈 TOP GAINERS & LOSERS

1. Toncoin (TON) - jumped by 90.18% to $2.55 this week;

2. Zcash (ZEC) - surged 63.36% during that time to reach a price of $571.38;

3. Siren (SIREN) - The price went up 55.18% to $1.09.

1. Pi (PI) - end week price of $0.1704, falling this week by 5.74%.

2. JUST (JST) - lost 4.73% to end the week at a price of $0.08389.

3. Canton (CC) - finished the week down 3.01%, at $0.145;

📘 EDUCATIONAL PICK — LEARN & LEVEL UP

🐦 TWEETS OF THE WEEK

FOLLOW OUR SOCIAL MEDIA:

• X - Where Crypto Meets Comedy;

• TikTok - Investigating the Wacky World of Crypto;

• СoinMarketCap - The Wildest Ride in the Crypto Market;

• YouTube - Your Gateway to the World of Crypto.

Disclaimer: We're here to entertain, not to be your financial guru. This newsletter is purely for educational purposes and does not constitute financial advice or a magical fortune-telling session. So, grab your popcorn, enjoy the read, but remember to use your own wits and conduct thorough research before making any money moves. Stay curious, my friend!